Marriage Maintainence: The Quarrelsome Wife

The dishes clattered in the sink as I continued my tantrum. I knew it was wrong, immature even. But I couldn't seem to stop my anger. I muttered under my breath as my husband sighed. He walked in the door to my bad mood cloaking the house. The sunshine outside did nothing to ease his discomfort. Working hard all day, worn out and exhausted, he hoped to be welcomed with a smile. But I wasn't having it.

Does this sound familiar? The situation can change from day to day but the fact remains that mama's moods rule the roost. That old saying, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" rings true more often than not. I found myself losing my cool and maintaining a less than dignified front in the face of little irritations. Becoming irrational and lacking self control over small things. My dear husband didn't rebuke me, but I certainly got an earful from God.

"A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike." Proverbs 27:15

" It's better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home." Proverbs 25:24

"It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman." Proverbs 21:19

"She is loud and defiant; her feet do not stay at home. " Proverbs 7:11

"A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing." Proverbs 9:13

Like raindrops these scriptures poured down on me, convicting me, stopping me in my tracks. The word contentious literally means "tending to argument, causing, involving, or characterized by argument." Clamor is to vehemently express dissatisfaction.  When I am ruled by my emotions, I become that woman. The opposite of a Proverbs 31 woman.

My pastor used Solomon's writings as an illustration the other day and said something like this, "Solomon finally got tired of writing about what a bad woman was like and realized it might be easier to write the good attributes of a woman." He was surrounded by 300 wives and 700 concubines- I'm sure he knew what a clamorous, quarrelsome woman was like!

As women, especially Christian women, we can develop a stigma about Proverbs 31. "It's another laundry list of things to do." "Just one more reminder that I am not good enough." What about taking the reciprocal approach to these scriptures listed here? Do I fight at every turn, demanding to get my way? Do I react in defiance and live in foolishness? I won't wipe my slate clean for the sake of grace. I know that I can be foolish. Clamorous and defiant. Just as the verse in Proverbs 25 states, it doesn't matter if my home is lovely if my heart is ugly.

Are you fretful? I do not disqualify husbands from controlling their emotions, they also have a responsibility to this. But our moods and mood swings affect our homes in ways we never know. Fretting over the little things, becoming anxious and fighting for our way...It is against what God commands us. He tells us to have a quiet and gentle spirit in 1 Peter 3, "not terrified by any fear". Usually our lack of control stems from our heart cries for safety and security. But we must find our hope in Jesus. There is "peace that passes understanding"(Philippians 4:6-7) and we must "cast [our] cares upon God, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

When we rest in Jesus, we can truly  make our home free of that constant dripping. God's desire is for us to be a "crown" (Proverbs 12:4). Since learning this important lesson, I have noticed a distinct change in the atmosphere of my home. Is it perfect? Of course not, I am human; I forget the lessons I've learned and go back to old habits. But I feel the peace of God surrounding my heart when I let go of my anxieties and rest in Him.

I am sure my husband is happier too:).

One of my favorite quotes.:)